If I'd Known Then What I Know Now....

Each parent has a quintessential story which they feel best describes who their child is as a person. Most generally, a parent will tell this story to anyone who will listen---proudly boasting upon their child's individual, remarkable, hilarious qualities that make them "special."

My mother, of course, is no different than the other parents. The story she uses to highlight who I am as a "special individual" eludes to a time when I was in preschool. My mom consistently tells everyone that I would frequently came home balling crying in tears over the fact that "no one would play with me at play time, and I had no friends" Quite certain the other kids were neglecting her "baby," my mother had then spied on me during several of her lunch breaks at preschool. Each and every time, she was shocked to find the vast majority of children huddled around me as I lead them into various activities. Yet, certain as the sun, I would still come home proclaiming my friendless state daily. And there it was....my mother had pegged me correctly as someone who generally perceived themselves as an "outsider," despite obvious evidence to the contrary.

Yahhhh.....sooo alone ; )

Throughout most of my life, I prided myself in being a part of the pack. In my own mind, it was better to be a part of the cliquish, social hierarchy than it was to be roaming around at the bottom of the pool with no one to cling to. Therefore, beginning in elementary school, I consistently shoe-horned my way into the cool kids group. As a gap-toothed, chubby brunette in crazy, mom-picked outfits....I was certainly NOT a cool-kid. However, I tried so hard to win the popular kids over that it almost became laughable. Whomever said you can't buy your friends obviously didn't see my instant-heightened-social status after bringing in bags of candy (with my hard-earned allowance money) for my class. Pathetic...I know...but hey it WAS snickers....



Most of my elementary school career went by in a similarly, seemingly smooth fashion. I was nice to most of my schoolmates, and I got by just fine. It was not until the 4th grade that I realized kids in numbers gain great strength in putting down other, weaker individuals. I came to this epiphany when I, myself, became that individual. I will never forget being told that some of my more cruel classmates had VOTED to see if I could come to one girl's birthday party--and had then told the birthday girl that I had simply not been deemed cool enough. Looking back on it, it still seems pretty awful.

R U KIDDING??!! Who wouldnt want THIS at a swingin' partay??!!

I can still remember walking home to my father's house crying my eyes out and telling him about the whole ordeal. As a loving father, he had first hugged me, and had then reproached me for my tears saying: "don't get upset....get angry." He had then helped me to plan an no-occasion party for the upcoming month....complete with a trip to our beach house, rides on a ski-bob behind a boat, and a delicious seafood dinner. I got to invite the nice girls, and neglect the mean ones. After hearing about the beach bonanza.....I'm pretty sure they were singing a different tune about just how "cool" I was. At the time...that really mattered to me. But looking back, I wish I would have realized how not alone I really was. In that instant, in all the planning, and in supervising four or five crazy little girls for my sole pleasure....my dad really was my greatest friend.

Always an awesome host : )

Throughout middle school, the same social patterns approached: me obnoxiously clinging to the frays of social belonging, and still feeling so outcast. I managed to find the MOST HEINOUS "kids" (and I use that term loosely) that Cobb Middle School had to offer, and then tried to befriend them. This, of course, ended in heart-ache and tears. Once again, I felt friendless.



Yet, I failed to notice that my little sister was probably one of the best friends I've ever had during the entirety of this time. During each and every weekend, in which I failed to have ANY social plans, my sister and I played idiotic games together...such as water-guns fight and bicycle race. We also made up a few games of our own, including "catch the sock," (dont ask), "stare-ie" (again dont ask), and go-cart chauffeur (more self-explanatory). We confided in each other over shopping-woes with a single father, and covered for each when things got scary with our parents. She continued to "assist" me when my grades took a down-turn in highschool and listen to me when love-interests and friends came and went throughout my life. She put up with my moody BS in adolescence...but never forgot to put me in my place. I really wish I had noticed just how great of a friend she was to my life before now---but I was just too preoccupied trying to belong with "friends" of my own. Sometimes you fail to notice the very thing that is right in front of you.

Soooo wanna give me a pedicure after this??!!

My dad and my sister showed me what real friends were supposed to be all throughout my life. I'm pretty sure they enabled me, eventually, into the very real (small group) of friends I have now. At last, at the end of community college, I was able to give up on being "friends" with everybody...and concentrate on friendships with meaningful people. Fortunatley for myself, I now belong to a small "pack" of very awesome, talented, excellent individuals who encourage and assist each other. I love my friends, now, as family members--who are all very near and dear to my heart. For example, I now have a particularly close, beautiful, extremley talented, sister-like friend whom will stand up to anyone whom puts me down AND will do it in awesome, brilliant ways : ) I only WISH I knew her in the 4th grade. I am so fortunate that my biological family showed me what friendship really is, so that I could stop trying to bend over backwards for something it's not.


Thank you Mary and Daddy : )















Elizabeth